Alpha-female Part II and Sisterhood of the Traveling Workout Pants

Today’s dog walk went much smoother than yesterday’s. I kept Eddie on a short leash and did not allow him to walk ahead of me. If he’d try to stop, I’d give him a little tug and ignore the yipes and choking sounds (kidding).

Thankfully he didn’t do his stopping thing in the park again. He kept walking casually and even allowed some other dogs give him the old sniff sniff. The other dogs’ owner remembered Eddie from yesterday and yelled that “we’ll get Eddie out of his shell.” Yesterday he’d asked if we (Eddie or I) knew the other Boston terriers that frequent the park. Shamefully, I do not know them because I just started walking my dog. I’m a terrible mother.

TRAVELING WORKOUT PANTS

When I got to the gym yesterday, I strolled over to my usual locker (I must use the same one every time and have panic attacks when someone else is using it) and low and behold my workout pants are not in my bag. I look again, unpack everything, look again. No pants. Great. I packed up and went to the front desk and asked if they were in the lost and found. They were not. I checked my car. Not there. Since I don’t bring my stinky clothes in the house after I workout (except once a week when I wash them), this means I must have left them in the locker room after my last workout and either:

1. Someone found them and decided to keep them for herself. The dirty broad.

2. No one found them and they are sitting in some dirty corner all lonely and dirty.

I can’t afford new workout pants right now, so I guess I’ll be working out in my undies.

I’m the Alpha-Female, dammit.

I’m embarrassed to admit it, but I gave up on walking my dog Eddie a while back. He was too much of a spaz and I just wasn’t digging it. He’d walk all over the place, tangle up the leash causing me to almost eat sh*t a couple times, and he’d stop abruptly and not want to move for reasons unbeknownst to this ignorant human.

Well this morning I decided I needed to get him walking again. It’s cruel not to walk dogs and it’s not my fault his daddy doesn’t want to walk him! He’s a dog and needs to walked. So I got up 25 minutes early this morning and off we went.

The walk went OK at first. I kept my shoulders back and the leash tight, and I kept walking and did not allow him to stop. When we got to the park, I don’t know what happened but he did not want to move. He stopped in his tracks and gave me this “If I move from this spot I will DIE” look. So I let him hang out for a bit, then I tugged on his leash. He didn’t budge, so I tugged a little harder. I pulled so hard his damn collar came off. Luckily he still stood there like a frozen dog, so I just slipped it back on and tightened it a bit.

After a few more attempts, I said screw this and I picked him up and carried him out of the park. Once we were gone and back in the neighborhood, he seemed OK. He was walking a little slower so I guess he was just tired. Poor little thing is so out of shape. People used to think we didn’t feed him because he was so skinny. Now he’s a plump little thing. Kind of shameful really. Oh well, everyone (and every dog) has to start somewhere. We’ll try again tomorrow, but I’m going to stay away from that scary park.

Little Steven

I know I wrote about this already, but it deserves more attention. I came very close to cancelling my XM subscription because I hate them but decided against it when they brought over Little Steven’s Underground Garage from Sirius. For those who don’t know, Little Steven is Steven Van Zandt AKA Sylvio from Sopranos. He also plays in a “little” band called Bruce Springsteen’s E Street Band. He pretty much rules. He and the other DJs (including Handsome Dick Manatoba and Komalina) actually know what GOOD music is. Thanks XM. I still hate you, just a little less now.

 

New favorite snack alert!

I love the fall because it’s persimmon season. What are persimmons you ask? Well, they are these odd little pumpkin looking fruits that are very tasty even when they’re not fully ripe. They go great with walnuts!!

 

The Onion

I like reading the news, but lately it seems to bum me out more than give me any important information. So from now on, I’m only going to read The Onion.

Today’s headlines:

“Wildfire Somehow Rages Back Into Control“

“Sweater-Vest Worn As Well As Could Be Expected”

And the cartoons:

Another Way to Die

Both Jack White and Alicia Keys are great musicians. I think it’s pretty cool that they got together to do this song for the new Bond movie. When you mish-mash two artists from two different musical genres, sometimes you get a pretty cool baby of a song. Kinda like when Elton John and Eminem did a song together. JW+AK aren’t as controversial, but it’s still cool.

 

Underground Garage

A couple months ago I was so pissed at XM radio for yanking Fungus, my punk rock station off the air. It was my favorite station and I loved that every Friday morning they played an hour of surf punk during the California Uber-alles show. This also meant that Rancid Radio and Hee-haw Hell would also be a thing of the past. I was livid. The only reason I didn’t call customer service and demand an explanation was because their customer service is in India, and I really can’t stand those people — not Indians, but XM customer service personnel, just to clarify.

Though I terribly miss my punk rock station, XM restored some level of confidence when they decided to air the Underground Garage station from Sirius. I actually like this station better than Fungus, because it’s more rock n’ roll (old and new) than just punk. I can’t listen to punk rock for extended periods without getting headaches, but I can listen to good ol’ rock n’ roll for hours. They play everything from the Stones to The Hellacopters to The Sonics to Modern Lovers to The Doves to The Wailers to The Chiffons and a whole lot of other totally bitchen stuff. All the “The” bands. As long as XM leaves this channel lineup alone, I won’t be calling India any time soon.

Big Bear, but no Big Bikes

We went to Big Bear last saturday for Denmother’s birthday ride, and the lift operators were giving just about everyone a hard time about their bikes. You see, Snow Summit does not allow downhill bikes on their ski lift. It all started with a lawsuit a few years back and it snowballed into a complete ban on downhill bikes and any bike that might look like a downhill bike. I was fine on my XC bike, but Jason brought the Uzzi and the lift operators gave him an earful about that. The ticket sale man was very nice, but those operators need to lighten up!

Quite a Fishy Day

There was something fishy about Monday. I don’t mean something was suspicious or strange, but something was literally fishy.

8:03 AM: I sit down at my desk and smell fish. Where the heck is that smell coming from? I look around for fish scraps from a previous lunch (though I haven’t brought leftover fish in a month, at least) but find nothing. Maybe it’s my imagination.

9:42 AM: Holy sh*t I still smell it! Is it my feet? I wear the same shoes almost every day (without socks) so it’s quite possible. I slip off my $20 Kohl’s flat teeny-bopper work shoe and take a sniff. It definitely did not smell like roses, but it didn’t really smell like fish either. Still, I deduce this fishy stench must be feet.

12:05 PM: I arrive at Target during lunch and pick up some Odor Eaters foot spray. I felt slightly embarrassed buying this stuff, but the checkout lady was about 90 years old, and that could have been hairspray for all she knew. I could have picked up some condoms, laxatives, super-absorbent tampons, and some Hanes-Her-Way granny panties and it would not have phased her, I’m sure.

12:18 PM: I hop in my Honda Element and start spraying away. This stuff gets everywhere when you spray it, including my eyeballs, but I was OK with that as it would just ensure that the fish smell would be gone.

12:31 PM: I arrive back at work and head to my tiny, dull, office. Mother f***** I still smell fish!!! What kind of sh** is this? What’s wrong with me?? What did I do to deserve this?? I start smelling EVERYTHING. My desk, my drawers, my feet (again), the walls of my office, my clothes… and then it hit me. I’ve been taking fish oil supplements as part of my turbulence training program, and some mornings I stick the caplets in my pocket and swallow them when I get into work. So, what happens when you forget about fish oil caplets in your pocket? Let me tell you what happens: You do your laundry with fish oil in your pants pocket, then your entire load of laundry smells like anchovy city!

I was relieved to finally figure this one out, as I was worried I had some sort of fish stench condition. I dealt with it the rest of the day (as well as my coworkers), and I changed clothes immediately upon returning home.

Tuesday morning I Febreezed the sh*t out of my clothes for the day, and that did help. However, when I changed into my riding gear for the Taco Tuesday ride, I soon recalled that I did not Febreeze my jersey or shorts, so I reeked of fish AGAIN. GREAT. The sad thing is that I hate doing laundry so much that I will most likely deal with fish odors all week rather than do another load of laundry. I pity myself sometimes.

I’m Addicted!

Boy do I suck at this blog business. One blog a month seems to be it for me. Anyway, this week I decided to kick a habit. A not-so-sweet habit. For a few years I’ve been using Splenda in my coffee and in my cottage cheese and fruit, and I recently decided that I didn’t want to consume anything fake anymore (most of the time anyway). So no more Splenda for me. So far it’s been tough. Since I don’t use sugar, nor will I use artificial sweeteners now, that leaves me with Stevia. My god this is nasty stuff. I will continue to use it for another few weeks and hope to just get used to the taste. Normally I look forward to my Jose’s Vanilla Bean coffee from Costco each morning, but the last couple days I’ve been sort of afraid of my coffee. I can’t find the language to describe Stevia’s odd taste, but it just isn’t good. Why do I continue to drink coffee? Well, because I’m addicted to it. If I don’t get my fix, I will be irritable, I’ll get wicked headaches, and I’ll become a monster of a person. Seriously. I have a problem. One day I’d like to kick the coffee habit, but I’m not ready yet. One thing at a time!